In which I hate children but love care packages

I got my first care package today! From one of my All-time Favourite Roommates (quite possibly the one that tops that list), Deb! A lovely large Canada Post envelope arrived during lunch, and I did the polite thing of waiting until afterwards to open it. Holding it in my lap, I was fairly certain of the contents. My guess what confirmed when I opened it and found a Christmas card (of the humourous variety, of course), and a happy, yellow folder jam-packed with drama activities for kids! Best Care Package Ever. Well, considering present circumstances with my luck teaching these kids.

I might as well take this opportunity to tell you about these kids. Every Friday and Saturday, from 4-7pm, there is a kids program (maybe eighteen in total?) where they study dance, yoga, drama, music, and put on performances for parents every now and again. My arrival with most of a drama degree means that I teach the drama section.

Here’s the main problem: the age range of the kids in the class is four to fourteen!!! A system which I’m hoping to see rectified. Anything easy enough for the young ones to grasp is boring for the older kids. Anything that would be good to teach the older kids, the younger ones can’t grasp. The younger ones have a very basic grasp on English and I speak about four non-relevant words of Hindi. Every Single Child (except for maybe five of them) are Absolute Holy Terrors. I get them right after they’ve had their break, so they’re all geared up from running around outside. They’re more concerned with coming up with smart remarks (or in the boys’ case, hitting each other) than coming up with even the simplest ideas. As simple as naming animals. Seriously. And, of course, once you turn nine, you’re too cool for school.

I’m supposed to be teaching them to be funny as a result of me mentioning (*one* time) that I’d studied clown and then not having a chance to elaborate that it had only been for a couple weeks. Instead, I’m attempting to get them to tap into their imaginations (which is harder than it should be considering they’re KIDS) and create skits out of their available brain resources. I’m also trying to teach the older kids how to encourage the younger kids and help them fit into the activities. Haha. Hahaha. Fuck.

If you knew me back in my days of teaching at day camps (Deb *lived* with me for *both* of those summers), you know that I don’t particularly enjoy teaching children. I just don’t think I’m that good at it. I have an endless resource of patience (surprisingly), which is useful. And I’m pretty and wear cool earrings, which kids always like. But these are awful, loud, disobedient children. Constantly. Every other week, someone gets slightly injured (no blood, just some tears) because they do something unbelievably stupid. No matter what teacher they have (unless it’s Jalabala; she can make them somewhat behave). I think I’m too gentle and friendly. People say ‘kids will be kids’. I say ‘fuck that’. I was well behaved with my teachers as a child. My brother was. My best friend was. I’m sure many of my other friends were (although some of them probably ate dirt or paper). The only thing that’s better over here (versus teaching in Canada) is that, if a child persists in being naughty, I *can* punish him. Nothing extreme (clearly). But I can make them sit out for the rest of my class or stand in the corner. I’m scheming an appropriate punishment for the kids that won’t shut the damn up. And yes, like the WRCM days, I do play favourites a bit.

This is why I tend to stay in on Saturday nights and Sundays. I’m *that* tired afterwards. As the weeks have gone by, I’ve noticed that my time with these kids keeps getting longer. What started off as a half-hour class is now often closer to an hour. Plus I now have to stick around for their rehearsals, since I’m (conveniently) doing their stage management, set design, prop wrangling, lighting design (and operation), music orchestration, occasional choreography, musician training, and sound design (and operation). Each week, something new is added to the list.

Then again, having to build a movable steam engine (big enough to fit about 10 kids) out of cardboard and rolling carts will keep me occupied during the rest of my work week. Jeh.

All of this is why I’m SO Eternally Grateful for Deb’s wonderful Christmas present. I just hope to GOD that these games will work. In the next five months, I should be able to teach them *something* right? RIGHT???

My Christmas is now that much merrier. Woot!

PS. If you said you were planning on sending me drama activities, please continue to do so. Over the years, I *keep* ending up with these kinds of teaching positions, so I might as well continue to build up a resource base. The universe continues to try to convince me to teach, but refuses to give me any talent for it.